From a mother’s perspective, parenting is hard. Our baby is 9 months old and I feel like this has been by far the most difficult, nerve-testing, sanity-challenging year of my life. Yes, it was beautiful and I am eternally grateful for having the privilege to experience the joy of having a baby. That doesn’t make certain aspects of my life (which I’m still trying to have) easier, though.
Relationship with your partner is one of the aspects of a mother’s life that gets tested the most this early on in a baby’s life. Little ones are wonderful, but they also tend to awaken both the best and the worst in you. So, who’s there to see it all? Your partner, of course. And for that, we should at least try to appreciate them more.
Relationships tend to suffer when a baby is around. There’s way less time for date nights, we’re very tired, the intimacy is disrupted… you name it. A plethora of problems emerges during this amazing time full of hardships.
What we need to remember at all times is that we created these human beings together with our partner. They’re not a separate unit of the household – we’re a team, and once the children are all grown up, if all goes well, that same person you chose is going to be the one who’s still around. We need to remember to nourish that connection, the love that helped us bring a whole new person (or people) into this world.
There are plenty of tips you can find on how to keep a relationship healthy, improve it, and find time for each other. My goal is to talk about the silent killers of a relationship that is vulnerable during this time to begin with. The ones you’re not looking out for, but they may find you.
Don’t skip date nights
It may not sound like a big deal, since there is always tomorrow (but in reality, we all know there might not be – a scary thought we choose not to consider due to our brain’s defensive mechanism). If you and your partner were at the beginning of a relationship, what would happen if you bailed three times in a row? They probably wouldn’t call you again. Same goes for marriage or any matured relationship – try to make time for your partner even though you see them every day. Make an effort to go through a date night even if it means you’ll be more tired tomorrow.
Don’t look for things you think you don’t get from your partner in other people
This may be difficult to understand at first, but it’s one of the most dangerous, relationship-threatening things you can possibly do. This doesn’t specifically mean “don’t cheat if you’re having less intercourse with your partner at this time” – but, yes, it includes that, too!
What I’m referring to is the danger of forming an emotional connection with someone, even if it was completely friendly at first, which is based on something you’re currently lacking in your relationship. If your partner has been moody recently, you may feel tempted to spend time around people who are more cheerful. If you think your partner is sharing fewer details about their life, it may be soothing for a while to talk (or even chat online) to someone who is opening their soul to you. These things aren’t necessarily cheating, but they may escalate. You may never indulge in, but your subconscious search for these things can permanently scar your relationship.
The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. If you feel like something is lacking, that means it’s been there before and now it seems like it isn’t. If it’s been there before – then it can most likely come back with a bit of effort. Remember that they love you and want you to be happy. If you feel the same way, I’m sure you can find a way to be happy together again.
Don’t walk away from your significant other just because you, for a brief moment, window-shopped and saw something that looks better than what you have. It usually isn’t.
Don’t stop sharing
At some point in your relationship, you may realize that it’s formed enough so you can feel secure. Even though your instinct is likely to be correct, it doesn’t mean you should stop working on it. Relationships are long-lasting commitments that don’t respond well to a lack of effort.
From time to time, we all feel a bit down, or not completely willing to share our feelings, thoughts and events in our daily lives when we’re away from one another. We’re only human, after all, and this is normal. If you feel this way, make sure you let your partner know about it, so they can stop wondering whether they’ve done something that made you change your habits.
However, try to alter your pattern of behavior, because this kind of long-term attitude can damage your relationship – and even feelings for one another – quite a bit. Remember that your partner is there for you, to love you, support you, and even guide you if needed. Be the same kind of pillar for them. Someone they can rely on. Isn’t that what all of our relationships are about?