It’s hard to describe how saying this makes me feel.
2 years may not be a very long time, but for Filip and me, those were the years that will define the rest of our lives.
We had our son, Viktor.
Filip got an awesome job.
We both finished university – well, I’m still working on my Bachelor’s Thesis, but all my exams are done!
We moved to a separate apartment.
We’ve decided to get into the process of immigration.
There is so, so much that’s been going on, we’ve hardly had time to sit down and catch our breath.
Still, those two years have been the best my life has had to offer so far. Full of love, mutual understanding, fun times no one else would even understand except for the two of us. We’ve been a team. We’ve loved and supported each other in every way, with every new idea, project, desire… I think we’ve been good to each other.
He’s such a kind man with a big heart, always there for me, to love me, make me laugh, sometimes even annoy me – but that’s what husbands are here for. He’s gentle, patient and knows things I have trouble saying out loud even when I need to. Takes them into consideration. Acts accordingly.
He’s the best father Viktor could have dreamed of. Even on his most difficult days, he comes from work and you can barely see it on his face. He smiles, grabs that kid and plays with him until they’re both exhausted from laughing. It makes my heart melt.
The day we got married reminds me of a lot of things.
It was a very emotional time for me, not just because we were getting married, but for all the reasons we even decided to do it in the first place.
We needed that day, to get out of a very dark stage of our lives.
We lost our first baby in December 2017. We were so excited when we found out we were going to have a baby. We didn’t even think it could happen, it never crossed our minds.
“You’re so young, nothing can go wrong”, people were telling me.
And I truly believed them. Until life has proven me otherwise.
The wedding we had, with our closest family and friends, put our hearts back together after a few depressing months. I could barely even get out of bed during that time.
I needed that day, to have some reason to celebrate. To remind myself of who the people are that I am most grateful for. To get me out of depression.
A baby is not the only thing I lost that December. My grandmother, who was so much more to me than the words can describe, passed away, too.
My family has not forgiven me, to this day, getting married only a few short months after she passed away. They did not come to our wedding. I got married like a stolen bride, with no one by my side but friends. To them, it was a disgrace.
I don’t expect them to understand the relationship I had with my grandmother. I know she would have been at that wedding. I also know she wanted me to be happy. I don’t regret having that wedding. It was a very small, intimate event. I even refused to wear a traditional wedding dress. Yes, I was still mourning. There was no live music, just a small ceremony and a dinner at a restaurant. Everyone there knew how hard our life was at that time. They came to support us, as family, as friends. I will never forget that.
Overall, it was a beautiful event. It started an amazing chapter of our lives. We’re so young, yet we’ve created so much together. And there’s more to come.
This day will always remind me of these things.
I will always feel happiness, knowing that I married a man who’s been good to me. I made a good choice. He’s made my life better. He helped me grow as a person. I now love and respect myself, too.
I will always be reminded of the loss we’ve gone through. This wedding is something we needed to help us move on, but not forget, or abandon the memories of the ones who are no longer with us. For all people who have wanted me to stay in morning – don’t worry, I’ve suffered enough, and I will forever mourn my losses.
But I’ve kept on living. I will not apologize for that.