When you see a mom of any age, walking down the street with her kids, you usually can’t tell what she’s been through before she’s had her first baby. If you take off your prejudice lens, all you’ll see is a woman doing her best to be a caregiver, a role model, and an emotional pillar for her young ones.
Let’s face the hard truth about human beings: how many of us would have thought of her differently if we could see some of her college party highlights? If we knew how many men she’d been with before settling down? If we were aware that she started drinking and partying in her High school Freshman year and had lived that life for years?
We’re human. It’s only natural to hold a grudge, be prejudiced against people with a shady past, and talk behind their back.
Is it healthy, appropriate, and fair to do that? No.
Will you be more accepted by the society, feel better about yourself, and think you know everything about someone just by talking about them in such a way? Unfortunately, most of the time, the answer is yes.
But it’s a terrible thing to do, and we all know it.
There are very few people in this world who’ve been “adult wise” since they were 7 years old. If you look for them, you usually won’t find them where you want to be looking – at the top of their graduation ranks, in the CEO chairs of big companies, or speaking in front of massive audiences.
The people who have resisted society and who knew what was good for them at a very young age were usually the ones getting stuffed into their own lockers, beat up by their classmates, cheated on by their partners and misunderstood by their community. It’s unfortunate, but that’s how ruthless today’s society is.
Therefore, whatever others have been through – or done voluntarily in the past – if it hasn’t hurt others around them, it’s nobody’s business. No one is entitled to judging people, strengthening stereotypical opinions based on someone else’s example, or discriminating others due to their past.
Change is not only possible, but inevitable. At some point, yes, some people seem like they’re going to be stuck in the “let’s get smashed and go crazy” attitude for the rest of their lives, but that’s almost never the case. Every last one of us will change at some point of our life.
The important thing about change, though, is that it needs to be welcomed by the community to have a permanent effect. If people around us are less prejudiced and more likely to accept our personal growth, we have a better shot at creating a brighter future.
If a mom – especially a young one – is being constantly judged for her wild past, many years into her motherhood, it’s harming both her own and her family’s well-being. Being consistently referred to as “the one with 50 ex-boyfriend by the end of High school” or “a wild, party girl” not only makes her feel like all her efforts to change her life have been futile. but it also crushes her as the authority figure in her children’s eyes.
I’m sure you know a mom who’s put tremendous amounts of effort into abandoning her old ways, whatever they used to be, in order to become a good role model and a caretaker. Maybe you’re that mom – and if you are, the fact that you’re reading this already shows how far you’ve gone from being a walking hurricane.
I’m also that mom, and I’m proud of it.
There are many things I wish I could change about my past, but even some of the most terrible events have taught me something. I’ve gone through a ridiculous amount of pain and self-doubt just because no one believed I could ever change. People either loved who I used to be and din’t want me to change at all, or they saw me as a lost cause who’ll never be capable of transforming her life.
I didn’t have anyone to help me position myself in a way that the winds are blowing at my back. I always used to be the one staring directly at the storm.
If there’s one thing I’d like to change about the world, it’s that – showing more people that there’s someone who believes in them.
I believe in you; and I believe in every mom struggling to recollect the pieces and live a better future. That’s exactly the thing: future is now. Not tomorrow, not in a year, not in a decade. Now’s the time to turn the tides and start abandoning bad habits. Believing in yourself. Striving towards our goals.
I’ve been on this journey, and it’s not an easy one. It took me a while to tell the whole story and show the world that change is possible, but I’m finally there.
If you’re interested in it, you can find it in my new book – From Bottle To Bottle. It’s an unfiltered record of my past, explaining how I’ve gone from the very bottom to being the mom, wife, and person I’m proud of.
Here’s a free chapter of my book. If you’ve gotten to the end of this post, I know you’ll love it.